You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
