did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
