I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
