i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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