You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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