WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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