I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
