Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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