Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps

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(703): i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps http://tfl.nu/14e5

Replies (24) Good night (1511) Bad night (8350)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.

(1-479): View more from Arkansas

You got my ass fired just for knowing you

(479): View more from Arkansas

thanks for the bacon

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(479): You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment. (1-479): You got my ass fired just for knowing you (479): thanks for the bacon http://tfl.nu/zw0i

Replies (19) Good night (5630) Bad night (1410)
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(325): View more from Texas

I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.

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(325): I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well. http://tfl.nu/zrfa

Replies (19) Good night (6956) Bad night (1402)
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(970): View more from Colorado

I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me

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(970): I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me http://tfl.nu/ieav

Replies (10) Good night (5044) Bad night (900)
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(734): View more from Michigan

I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.

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(734): I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it. http://tfl.nu/ex81

Replies (2) Good night (1020) Bad night (2298)
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(269): View more from Michigan

A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?

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(269): A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash? http://tfl.nu/uuv0

Replies (8) Good night (2530) Bad night (787)
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(513): View more from Ohio

chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.

(513): View more from Ohio

Who are you high with right now?

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(513): chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it. (513): Who are you high with right now? http://tfl.nu/0n4i

Replies (11) Good night (2115) Bad night (667)
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(586): View more from Michigan

you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer

(1-586): View more from Michigan

Ok let me change into clothes i can run in

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(586): you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer (1-586): Ok let me change into clothes i can run in http://tfl.nu/bmel

Replies (10) Good night (2928) Bad night (682)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.

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(724): Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression. http://tfl.nu/uaau

Replies (9) Good night (554) Bad night (1336)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah

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(479): I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah http://tfl.nu/ef97

Replies (9) Good night (1676) Bad night (591)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?

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(770): Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier? http://tfl.nu/rucv

Replies (9) Good night (1797) Bad night (602)
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(+61): View more from Australia

I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.

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(+61): I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video. http://tfl.nu/tibc

Replies (14) Good night (1127) Bad night (561)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator

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(507): I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator http://tfl.nu/y7bc

Replies (4) Good night (1557) Bad night (548)
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(727): View more from Florida

After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.

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(727): After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since. http://tfl.nu/pkb8

Replies (2) Good night (282) Bad night (755)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day

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(609): There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day http://tfl.nu/0xn9

Replies (6) Good night (357) Bad night (969)

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