he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
