Jerry, you need to find god
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
