I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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