ADVERTISEMENT

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude i feel like shit

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  well u did eat a lot of play-doh

  Fav 10 2095 4975

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning

  Fav 54 2305 4208

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (805): View more from California

  The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break

  Fav 3 3060 1041

  share tweet
  

• (614): View more from Ohio

  Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.

  Fav 10 4450 1100

  share tweet
  
• 

  23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (478): View more from Georgia

  Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.

  Fav 11 4404 1921

  share tweet
  

• (772): View more from Florida

  I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates

  Fav 3 2632 1115

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.

  Fav 10 1848 1704

  share tweet
  

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week

  Fav 15 2305 758

  share tweet
  

• (914): View more from New York

  If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.

  Fav 2 1774 809

  share tweet
  
• 

  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"

  Fav 4 1808 868

  share tweet
  

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.

  Fav 7 997 1139

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (270): View more from Kentucky

  I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun

  Fav 2 904 546

  share tweet
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways

  Fav 1 850 558

  share tweet
  

• (334): View more from Alabama

  I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan

  Fav 3 725 364

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (702): View more from Nevada

  It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.

  Fav 0 45 2

  share tweet
  

Randomize