Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober