Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.

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  (816): I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else. http://tfl.nu/ftgf
  Replies (8) Good night (726) Bad night (1340)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x

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  (305): I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x http://tfl.nu/g18f
  Replies (110) Good night (1349) Bad night (4808)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.

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  (540): Also thongs make me have to fart a lot. http://tfl.nu/ra92
  Replies (5) Good night (719) Bad night (4160)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party

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  (978): i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party http://tfl.nu/osnp
  Replies (23) Good night (7405) Bad night (1210)
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  (760): View more from California

  The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.

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  (760): The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too. http://tfl.nu/fqh3
  Replies (3) Good night (3523) Bad night (1130)
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  (585): View more from New York

  complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.

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  (585): complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this. http://tfl.nu/7hr5
  Replies (6) Good night (3334) Bad night (915)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up

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  (757): She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up http://tfl.nu/s64r
  Replies (4) Good night (1372) Bad night (2216)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza

  (917): View more from New York City

  The hookers weren't a dream get tested

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  (914): I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza (917): The hookers weren't a dream get tested http://tfl.nu/wjzv
  Replies (3) Good night (1399) Bad night (2686)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!

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  (604): Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon! http://tfl.nu/zzxk
  Replies (7) Good night (1305) Bad night (565)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip

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  (775): We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip http://tfl.nu/afxb
  Replies (0) Good night (748) Bad night (326)
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  (516): View more from New York

  On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.

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  (516): On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER. http://tfl.nu/qydu
  Replies (2) Good night (764) Bad night (369)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock

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  (318): My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock http://tfl.nu/d5ea
  Replies (10) Good night (1764) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  He had a step stool to get in to his bed!

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  (619): He had a step stool to get in to his bed! http://tfl.nu/4n7f
  Replies (4) Good night (338) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever

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  (503): Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever http://tfl.nu/zn2u
  Replies (15) Good night (404) Bad night (1169)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter

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  (709): Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter http://tfl.nu/qto5
  Replies (5) Good night (618) Bad night (134)

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