You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
