i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday