exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So squirting runs in the family.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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