he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
