yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Everything about him screamed your future.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
