I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
