There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize