One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
