apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
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she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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