My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
