I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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