Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I still have a little drunk in my system
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
