When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
