so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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