I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
