i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
