Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
