It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
