all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
