I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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