good thing vaginas are great cup holders
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
