i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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