Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
