btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
