He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
