every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
