so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
