i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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