apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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