I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
