The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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