Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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