Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
