shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
