Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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