Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
