I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
