i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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