Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
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Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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