After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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