she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
