3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
