People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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