Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
