i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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