Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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