but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
