Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
