Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
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I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
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we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Who died my cat blue again?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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