Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
