I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize