Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
