I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
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