am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
