You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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