my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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