I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
it was like eating out sand paper
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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