so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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